


COMDEX 90 (Cam) (Nov 16 1990)

by Salmoneili



Series: HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [4]
Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: 'Evil' Joe keeps Cam coming all night, Aches on a plane, Backstory, Can't sleep for guilting, F/M, Fake Marriage, Heavy Angst, Joe the sex-god, Marriage wrecker, Why Cam is so obsessed with Joe McMillan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmoneili/pseuds/Salmoneili
Summary: Part 1 Cam's POV & Part 2 Joe's POVAfter S3E09 – November 1990PART 1: Cam is traveling home after seeing Joe at COMDEX '90, their first meeting after four years apart. They spend the day catching up and then unexpectedly she takes him back to her hotel room. Joe pulls out all the stops to make it a night she will find difficult to forget.Reflections from events S1-S3 and sets up the meeting in S3E10.#myfirstsmutWarnings: smut, angst and guilt - oh so much
Relationships: Cameron Howe/Joe MacMillan
Series: HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929043
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Plane 1 - The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> 'HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ...' Series Notes  
> This all started with a simple idea to expand on the night of COMDEX 90 from Cam’s POV and then flipping it for Joe’s.  
> I got more than a little carried away… and they turned into epics.  
> Then I wanted to explore their relationship at different times, reflecting on their development as they change and grow, their history and quirks.  
> All the parts try to follow the HACF timeline and events depicted on the show as closely as possible, with a bit of creative license about events only referred to.  
> Exceptions  
> \- plot deviation when Cam and Tom tried for a baby  
> \- post-Ryan's suicide, Joe's apartment is in San Jose not San Francisco  
> The series is pretty racy – mostly Mature only, maybe could even be Explicit in place (sex only). You have been warned.  
> Some parts have a sprinkling of Easter eggs for other Lee Pace characters from TV shows and movies.  
> Feeding my obsession.  
> These are the current list, and I’ll upload more parts as I finish them.  
> So far there’s ….  
> S1 - ‘Stuck’ (June 1983) and ‘Curious’ (Oct 1983) (in progress)  
> S2 – NEW as of Jan 2021! ‘Goddammit’ (June 1985)  
> S3 – ‘COMDEX 90 (Cam)’, ‘COMDEX 90 (Joe)’ Friday, Nov 16 1990  
> S4 – NEW as of Jan 2021! 'Segue' (Oct 1992) and ‘Phone Call’ (Mid-Oct 1993)  
> Post-canon – ‘Fate - Part 1' (March 1998), ‘Fate - Part 2' (March 1998), NEW as of Feb 2021! 'Snippets' (A collection of shorts post-Fate (Post-March 1998) in progress)  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Lovely HACF fandom and readers - I would much appreciate some feedback and/or kudos.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 1

(Plane 1)

_Fucking Joe MacMillan!_

Cam seethed and downed her complimentary glass of champagne. She was already in her first-class seat, surprisingly having got to the airport early, despite her impromptu meeting with Donna.

She sat looking out the window at the new day, waiting for the plane to finish boarding.

Fucking – Joe – MacMillan.

It was going to be a long 12 odd hour flight, and they'd have to stop in San Francisco as well.

She needed to sleep.

No, she needed oblivion.

Fucking Joe.

Fucking _him_.

Fucked him, she thought.

A montage of images from just hours before flickered across her vision, and she signaled the stewardess for a refill.

It really didn't help that she could still feel him, her bruised pussy throbbed turning her on all over again and her tortured nipples ached.

No, no, no. Stop it, she told herself.

Her traitorous mind offered up Tom and she felt a wave of nausea, and the acidic bubbles of the champagne threatened to come back up again.

She exhaled softly, trying to relax.

It helped.

Poor sweet Tom.

She'd listened to her husband's - _her husband's_ \- voice on their answerphone, when she called to say what time she'd land. She was relieved he hadn't picked up. She didn't think she could have taken it. Thank God it was still the middle of the night over there. She should have just emailed him.

What a bitch.

How could she have done this to him?

With Joe of _all_ people?

Fucking Joe.

Not that she could actually blame him, despite him having a legendary reputation as a world-class asshole.

This? This was all on her.

Her need of him.

No, her need of something.

Joe had just been there.

He'd just been easy.

No … Joe was never 'easy', accept on the eyes, she thought distractedly.

Why had he been at COMDEX? It wasn't as though he was selling anything.

She replayed his words.

You.

I came to see you.

But the way he said it, his voice full of emotion, and the way he looked at her, she understood what he was really saying, he wanted more than just friendship.

Donna had said the same words and she wanted to what, work with her again?

But Joe was asking her to break her marriage vows.

She’d looked away from him down at the Strip, and felt him do the same.

Old Joe would've been talking constantly, pushing her, bullying her into doing what he wanted, justifying … conniving.

But new Joe had been stoic and silent.

Who was he?

Did he still love her, after everything?

He'd said goodbye to her among the stands earlier.

It rocked her world that the whole day could have played out differently.

Why hadn't she just said goodbye?

Was she retarded?

She'd known how it was going to end, hadn't she?

She pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes, welcoming the pain and exhaled forcefully.

Fucking Joe.

But she knew it wasn't him, it was everything going on with her.

These four years in Tokyo with Tom, in her dream job, designing games, and playing house together on this crazy Japanese adventure, it had been unreal ... all-encompassing and … fun, yeah it was kinda fun.

That wasn't the full story, just the marketing pitch, it sounded good and she knew people were envious of their 'perfect' life.

She'd needed a fresh start after Mutiny and fucking Donna.

Donna – she shelved thinking about her and what they'd talked about. She just couldn't process it right now, one huge life event at a time ...

Tokyo was good, but she just wasn't sure if it was enough.

Her trip to COMDEX was part of Atari's big marketing campaign for the release of Space Bike IV and while the die-hards were lapping it up and she'd got a cult following, sales in Japan were well below projections. World pre-orders were also down and there was mounting pressure on her to come up with something new.

She couldn't even relax when she was home.

Tom's mom had been getting less subtle about grandkids over the last three years, not that Tom’d been bugging her. But both his brother's had kids and two of his closest friends also had babies, well toddlers, now too. The questions about when they'd, no, _she'd_ , pop one out had become more frequent.

She’d suggested starting a family right after Christmas last year and he’d been ecstatic. She regretted it instantly, but they’d started trying anyway to no avail.

He’d urged her to get checked and it’d pissed her off that he assumed it was all her fault.

She was secretly glad, mother nature had seemingly made the decision for her.

It’d driven a wedge between them though, and whenever he brought the subject up, she would go off in the deep end at him. So, it’d been uneasily dropped, she knew it needed to be resolved at some point, but she couldn’t face it.

It felt to her as though they were in uncharted territory and needed to recalibrate their relationship.

What they were doing and where they were going.

She’d gone there because of his job and needed to escape the aftermath of being betrayed over the future of Mutiny.

But she was unsatisfied with what she was doing and felt lost.

She'd thought COMDEX would be a nice break.

Eerrr … guess again, bitch.

As if her life hadn't been complicated enough without fucking Joe MacMillan.

A guy with slicked-backed hair and an expensive looking suit came down the aisle, he locked eyes with hers, smiling confidently. He flicked his eyes to the empty window seat next to her.

Fuck! No - no - no - NO!

He checked his ticket against the number, and she was relieved when he grinned and pointed elaborately to the seat across the aisle.

Better, but still not great.

Did he just wink? Oh, God please.

'Aww, shame! I'm Brad,' he loudly exclaimed and stuck out his hand, 'First time to Tokyo?'

Usually, she would have shot the condescending asshole down in flames, but she was too damn tired.

She ignored his and held up her left hand, waggling her ring finger.

The eye roll and the little head shake, she added for good measure.

He just smiled and sat down.

Asshole.

She had a flash back to the first time she'd seen Joe, another arrogant asshole in a suit.

She'd thought a lot about that meeting over the years, it could only have been fate.

There was no other explanation.

A class she normally skipped and a complete jerk of a marketing guy, selling what? Pure bullshit.

He was everything she'd hated, still hated, about the industry.

But he'd singled her out, talked about change, made her dream, made her believe he wanted it too.

He was so good at selling, that he'd even made Gordon, Bos and everyone else at Cardiff Electric and Donna believe and join him.

Until … he'd fucked it all up.

Just as his father and others predicted he would.

Was he Icarus? It seemed that every time he was on the verge of soaring high, he'd go down in flames.

It would be funny if it wasn't true.

No, he’d just been lost, hopelessly lost.

Wasn't everyone? Like she was now …

She exhaled.

It had certainly been one hell of a ride; Joe was a rodeo alright.

But she knew that she wouldn't be where she was without him.

Without any of it.

She wondered where this latest Joe-twist was going to take her.

A slight, 30 or 50 something - it was so hard to tell - Asian woman snapped her out of her reverie wanting to sit down.

'Oh,' she said wide-eyed and hastily got up saying 'Gomen nasai,' [I'm sorry in Japanese] eyeing the suit meaningfully.

She gasped as she sat down more heavily than she'd meant too, forgetting how tender she was down there, and her nipples throbbed in sympathy sending waves of agonizing pleasure down to her loins.

Oh God and she bit her lip to silence herself.

Guilt washed over her again.

Fucking Joe.

Of course, he hadn't _complained_ or stopped her.

No, he was completely innocent in all of this, a lamb to the slaughter.

She snorted in contempt, drawing a side glance from her new traveling companion. Cam smiled weakly, embarrassed.

Joe, innocent? He was a wolf and he'd never bothered with the sheep's clothing.

But she couldn't blame him this time.

Not even for not saying no to her.

She knew herself; she would have been pissed if he'd rejected her. She would have gone after him twice as hard.

She was stunned by the truth of it.

Replaying it in her head, she realised that it was _her_ not him, who'd made all the moves.

Not that she'd actually been trying, she thought smugly.

Now who was being arrogant?

Fucking bitch.

But it had been so good to see him.

To spend time with him.

To talk with him.

To have fun with him.

To fuck him, she thought darkly.

So fucking good.

She couldn't think of the last time she'd thought about him.

She’d been really busy with the new game.

Well, her thoughts would often drift to him during sex or when she was 'going solo.'

She hated that they did, but somehow he’d become her default.

Especially, if she needed to get herself off quickly.

She had a huge back catalog of red-hot sessions to choose from, so many more than with Tom.

It really bugged her that she was cheating on her husband in her head, but sometimes Tom just made her so mad …

Joe did too, but somehow that anger always turned into something else … and she’d want to punish him by fucking his brains out.

An image of his younger self floated into her consciousness, begging her to finish him off. It always made her feel powerful.

Jesus, this was _typical_ Joe, he was like that little devil whispering in her ear, messing her up.

That was why she'd removed herself from everything from before, she'd had to.

She'd been genuinely shocked to see him. Shocked, but in a good way. Delighted even, and it’d been fun to have someone to hang out with.

He was a real blast from the past.

He'd captivated her right away, not that that was anything different.

Joe had always been good at commanding attention, good and bad.

But there was an un-Joe-like broad grin plastered across his face when he'd asked for her autograph.

That was new. That was different.

She couldn't believe that he'd queued for over 30 minutes and had waited for nearly another hour until she'd finished at the booth when she asked him to stick around.

That'd blown her mind.

And he looked good, really good.

Fucking good.

He was still masquerading as casual-clothes-Joe with the beard and glasses, but she liked it.

It suited him.

It softened him.

Not that she'd tell him and feed his ravenous ego.

No, it wasn't just the clothes, he was different.

Different from when she'd seen him that night at his apartment, when he'd found out she was married, two nights before he spectacularly blew apart MacMillan Utility, his own company.

And lost everything … again.

How many lives could one person have?

If there was one certainty in this life, she thought, it was that Joe MacMillan would rise again.

Hmmm, definitely more like a phoenix.

She didn't know how he had the strength.

Once had been enough for her and it almost broke her. She knew she'd sold out after Mutiny, going for the easy life with one of the big cartridge firms she'd despised.

She told herself that she was making changes from within, but she knew she'd betrayed her principles.

What? Wait?

 _He_ was the rebel and _she_ was the corporate lackey?

He really was the visionary after all?

 _Fuck_.

The plane started taxiing and she watched the immaculately turned out Japan Air stewardesses go through their pre-flight safety demos.

Ahhh, if only the plane would go down somewhere in the Pacific, all her problems would disappear.

She darkly fantasized about her memorial service, attended by all the gang, Gordon, Bos, Tom ... _Joe? ... Donna?_ ... Her fucking mom weeping ...

Everyone swapping sad Cam stories and mourning the tragedy of her passing.

She imagined Joe relishing telling Tom about how she'd spent her last day and night.

Christ, who was she?

She was more twisted than he was.

Ahh fucking Joe.

But she was angrier with herself.

COMDEX '90s Joe had blown her away.

He wasn't the Joe from her memory.

He'd always be sharply suited, clean shaven, arrogant but deeply damaged Joe to her.

With his unguarded open smile and twinkling eyes, and topped off with a baseball cap, he'd morphed into someone else.

She needed to know how he'd done it.

She'd rarely seen him so happy, even during their Giant days and COMDEX '83, when they were on the same side, fighting the machine. And dare she say it, in love, if only for a short time.

Well, until he’d ruined that too.

His happiness was a like ray of sunshine, did he have the answer to the way out of her own storm?

And he really had forgiven her, she hadn't believed it when he'd told her when he'd accosted her at the college that time.

She wouldn't have, if roles were reversed.

He'd kept the fucking disk.

Wow.

The actual Sonaris disk, the evidence of her betrayal, when she'd used him to fuck over Westgroup.

Although, it’d enabled him to build his own empire on the back of it … yep, he was a phoenix alright.

She’d heard he wasn’t really doing anything anymore, just playing the stock market ... but he’d told her he was considering consulting again.

She figured even he’d had enough of the rat race, after MacMillan Utility’s spectacular high-profile ending and tragic death of a talented young coder.

But he seemed … better, in a good place.

Well it was four years ago now, but she’d heard through Gordon, that, what, a couple of years ago that he really hadn’t been.

How had he learned to live with his demons?

Was he some kind of swami or something?

It was fucking amazing.

He was a hell of a lot easier to be around that was for sure.

She'd felt the irresistible pull into his orbit again, it was familiar, and it felt oddly ... safe.

When had he ever been safe?

He'd seemed centered, calmer and she felt … soothed around him.

That was new, that was different.

Or was it a sign of how much turmoil she was in?

They'd had so much fun together, just goofing around the booths.

She'd needed that so badly.

With Joe, of all fucking people.

A revelation.

She laughed to herself as she thought about the Sprinter stand, the Nim battles and the dancing.

The dancing.

It’d been so much fun.

When had they ever danced?

She didn't think they had.

She’d seen him dance … once, at the Giant's launch, dancing when the 'VIP' guests, or rather porn stars, arrived.

She’d been talking to one of the Xerox's coders as he gyrated with them.

She’d thought he’d moved well for someone so tall.

Other than that, he'd mainly just complained about her music.

She’d felt like a teenager again, sneaking out to meet the oh so cute but deeply misunderstood bad boy.

Like that Breakfast Club movie, the perfect princess, Molly Ringwald, ending up with Emilio Estevez.

No, that wasn't right, Emilio had been the jock and he'd gotten together with ... Ally Sheedy's character.

Who'd been the bad boy?

She couldn't remember.

It was a bad comparison anyway, Joe'd been the spoiled rich brat and she was Ally, the freak.

Oh, shut up.

You couldn’t sneak out and have a time out from a marriage.

She was the asshole.

But she’d had fun with him. She hadn’t wanted it to end, taking him to bed was just another way to keep it going … it wasn’t him she wanted … was it?

No, it wasn’t, she told herself firmly.

Jesus, that guy just messes me up, she thought, echoing his words from another time.

Another life.

The plane was moving now, edging toward its scheduled take off slot.

Let's go already, get this over with, she thought.

 _Donna_.

Fucking Donna, who'd shown up at the party and ruined everything.

As usual.

But would she have sought the comfort of his arms if she hadn't?

Probably, she thought.

She couldn't pin any of this on Donna either.

 _You're_ the fucking cheat, she reminded herself.

She unconsciously chewed on a nail as the plane lined up for take-off.

She wondered what he was doing right now.

Was he awake?

Was he cursing her for being a coward and sneaking out?

Was he still asleep, lying naked in her bed …?

She loved watching him sleep, it used to be one of the few times he looked peaceful. She often thought it was how he would have always looked if Fate had chosen another path for him.

He probably could have been a male model, he did brooding so well and she thought of him posing seductively in some tiny Calvin Klein underwear and then without any on ...

Jesus! Just stop it, she told herself angrily.

Not that modeling as a career had been an option for him, it'd been closed off when he was just a kid.

She'd been so careful to shower and pack quietly that morning.

She picked up her passport and plane ticket, her eyes went to the largest of the multiple horrific scars that snaked across his torso, but they swiftly moved down to his crotch where she spied his semi-erect morning salute under the sheet.

Interesting ...

The idea of waking him with a blow job flashed through her mind, like she would on the rare occasion that she woke up before him..

But she couldn't face him in the cold light of day.

She remembered what control she'd had over him back then.

It was their private game, and she'd been its designer too.

She'd coerced and cajoled into sex, seducing him at inappropriate times and in riskier and riskier places, mainly around the Cardiff offices.

He'd tred to be detached and resisted until he couldn't do anything else but give in to her.

She loved it even more that he was so pissy afterwards, trying to be her boss and lecture her on professionalism, or pull some other authoritarian crap to make her feel small.

He'd always been a such sore loser … but eventually he'd succumbed to playing along with her, working just as hard to pay her back.

It had been electrifying when he had.

Literally, that one time.

Oh God, stop it, bitch!

What was the matter with her?

That was ancient history, and now she was _married_.

Fucking married.

She couldn't understand how after all these years, despite all the pain they'd inflicted on each other, he still provoked such strong reactions in her.

She didn't know what was going to happen now. Would he make contact? Would he fuck up her life in Tokyo?

She wished she hadn't been so impulsive and left him a bread crumb.

Goddamn it, did she actually _want_ to destroy her marriage?

She'd been right when she'd told him yesterday, that she was perfectly capable of fucking things up all by herself.

God, she hated take-offs.

She tensed and steeled herself as she felt the engines roar.

The powerful vibrations came up through her seat and pulsed directly into her like one of the earth-shattering climaxes she'd enjoyed a few hours earlier.

She bit her lip, enduring it.

Self-indulgently, she replayed the night in her head, vowing that she'd delete its memory for good afterwards, before she was back in Tokyo.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. Flashback 1 - Balcony/Cam's Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning - explicit sexual content

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 2

(Flashback 1)

Neither of them spoke from the balcony to her room, she’d echoed his suggestion that they should call it a night and she’d reached over and squeezed his hand. For what? For friendship? Thanks for the day? Goodbye? 

She’d turned to look at him and he mirrored her. She felt him lightly stroke the back of her hand with the tip of his thumb in response.

She couldn’t believe how much power there was in such a small gesture. Electric jolts shot up her arm and straight down into her core. 

His silence was deafening. 

She thought of Joe the salesman, so full of himself and so smooth, he had an answer for everything. 

This was something so … different. It was disconcerting. 

Was he silent so she couldn’t accuse him of handling her?

She was lost in those eyes of his.

She knew he wanted her.

She felt she was on the edge of precipice; would he catch her if she jumped? Or would she end up like Ryan?

She realised she wanted him too.

She turned abruptly, before another thought could derail her, pulling him back through the party, not caring if Donna was still there or not. 

Arriving at the elevators, they were swept in amongst party-going COMDEXers, squeezed together facing each other. The tip of his baseball cap rested just above the top of her head creating a private space. Cam caught his eye and indicating their new companions, rolled hers expansively. They shared a conspiratorial smile, and she remembered the previous time they’d held hands in the elevator.

At her floor, she’d led him back to her room, her mind focusing on every step, reaching into her bag and locating her key. 

She wouldn’t allow herself to think about the consequences.

Inside, she went to the bed and turned to face him, suddenly apprehensive. 

He’d taken off his glasses and coat and slowly approached her, like a hunter stalking its prey. 

But he stopped before he reached her.

Oh God enough already, did she have to do everything herself? 

She went to him, tenderly cupping his face, touching his chest and softly kissed him.

She felt his growing bulge against her lower belly and pushed herself gently into it, testing.

Not quite there … yet, she thought.

He immediately responded, returning her kiss so hotly as his hands whipped her little white dress off. 

Wow.

In turn, she yanked off his white tee, revealing his toned body ... ahh he was still so sexy ... and his scars. 

Oh, yes.

She’d forgotten about them. She bent down to lovingly kiss the rough skin in the chasm of the large one that crossed his broad chest.

Then she screamed in surprise as with one hand on her upper back and the other hooked around her leg, he effortlessly lifted her bodily and practically threw her down on the bed. 

It knocked the breath out of her.

Then he was on top her.

Oh fuck, this was the Joe she wanted.

Predatory and dangerous. 

He’d tricked her again, she’d been the quarry all long and now she was totally trapped beneath him, wanting him to devour her. 

He didn’t waste any time. 

He was kissing her hungrily. His hands moved simultaneously, one pushed up her black top and bra to free her breasts and the other tugged at her panties. 

She felt her desire rise and impatiently helped him remove them, so he could free his almost full erection.

They hastily removed their clothing, leaving them in disarray on the bed and the floor. It was like the early days, only caring that they were naked.

She marveled how efficiently he spread her thighs with his, whilst leaning forward to claim her mouth again. Then she gasped as he unceremoniously rammed his full length into her.

They both groaned gutturally.

It happened so fast that she felt like she’d been hit by a train and was in a whole world of lust.

She saw white lights as her pussy stretched in delicious pain to accommodate him once again.

‘Ohhhh fuck!’ she practically screamed in his ear.

He stopped, fully in her, ‘Cam? What is it?’ his voice dripped with concern.

‘Fuck!’ she managed, ’I’d just forgotten how big you are.’ She could feel his cock twitching within her, growing more, she loved how it filled her completely and yet demanded attention.

She clung to him, arching upwards and shifted trying to accommodate him better. 

‘Ahhhhh-uhh,’ breathed Joe, apparently her actions were having an effect on him too, ‘Ahh … so, you’re OK?’ he whispered and he curled his hips, more gently this time, pressing himself even further into her. 

She panted with arousal, she needed this, ‘Aaahhh, yes, OK.’ she uttered, feeling herself melt into him, eyes closed.

Then he said in an urgent whisper, ‘Cam … Cam, wait, stop,’ and actually withdrew.

Her eyes snapped opened, what the hell was he doing? ‘What the fuck, Joe?’ This really wasn’t the time for pillow talk and she scowled up at him.

‘Wait ... listen … I’m clean.’ he said urgently, ‘Totally clean, OK?’

She didn’t understand what he was saying and then the penny dropped, ah, shit, wow, that hadn’t even crossed her mind. How reckless was she? ’Oh … OH! … er … yeah, me too.’ she said lamely.

‘And I’ve got protection, so no unwanted...’ he’d start to get off, but she tightened her grip stopping him.

Oh fuck, so he was Mr Responsible now, was he? How ironic. She swallowed, ‘There’s no need, OK?’ 

Big pause. 

OK, breathe. 

This was not something she’d anticipated talking about, ‘I … I … can’t … have any … alright?’ 

Silence. 

She looked at him, hunched between her thighs in the semi-darkness and saw the Strip lights glistening in his eyes as he looked back at her. 

She put her head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

Fuck!

‘Oh, Cam … I’m sorry.’ he said softly and she knew it wasn’t a line.

She exhaled, way to go spoiling the fucking mood, Joe, refusing to look at him for fear of losing it.

Why had she said that? 

Why hadn’t she just said she was on the pill or something?

It was the first time she’d vocalised what she’d suspected for a while, she hadn’t even said it to Tom yet, scared of his reaction.

She wasn’t really sure if it was actually true, but after all the unprotected sex she’d had and not even one pregnancy scare, it was the only thing that made sense.

She was pretty sure that she didn’t actually want kids, but that was whole other issue.

Tom ...

She was about to push Joe off when she felt his mouth clamp gently down on her nipple. He drew it into his mouth and ran his tongue delicately over her semi-hard bud. His facial hair tickled her breast as he worked his mouth and she could feel the effect deep in her pussy. 

She sighed in appreciation and arched her back straining forward seeking his cock.

She released his arms as she felt him move, one hand went to her other breast and the other down to her pussy and he spread her wider. She moaned in anticipation and then felt a long finger delve deep into her wetness.

Cam squeezed her internal muscles around it and closed her eyes.

Oh fuck ...

Yes, this was what she needed ... a break ... to totally forget about everything, if only for a night.

She couldn’t stop a low groan escaping. 

He leisurely circled his hand, pushing and twisting inside of her. 

She squirmed in pleasure.

‘Nice?’ he breathed into her chest, treating her other nipple to a silvery lick of his tongue.

‘Aaahh, just fuck me!’ she practically screamed in frustration and she felt, rather than saw his smile.

Asshole.

Then his finger was in her mouth and she could taste herself, she sucked and licked at it hungrily, demanding more. 

Son of a bitch, he knew exactly how to push her buttons. 

His mouth was on hers pushing her down into the pillow with such ferocity and they both groaned in pleasure as he plunged his dick back into her.

Ahh yes, that’s right. That was what she wanted.

She curled her nails into his back, wanting to gouge him and she felt him respond by driving into her more, fanning her flames. 

She felt ravaged. 

She loved it.

Fuck, she’d missed this. 

She’d forgotten just how primeval sex with him was.

It was like a battle, violent and heady. 

It was like they were some ancient combatants, like Godzilla and Mothra, locked in the perennial struggle for ultimate victory.

Sex had never been their problem; it was just … all the other stuff.

It was the total opposite with Tom. She loved him, but she knew his feelings for her ran deeper, more akin to worship. It had been refreshing at first and … safe, especially after she and Joe had not as much as broken up but imploded. 

It’d been messy and painful. She'll felt betrayed and had lashed out, going for his jugular. She'd enjoyed hurting him, but the guilt came later. After she found out he’d burned the first shipment of the Giant and just disappeared.

She felt unworthy of Tom’s pure devotion. She was frustrated when he put her up on a pedestal. 

In the bedroom, he’d treat her like some fragile doll. She found it was harder and harder to get herself off and used their full schedules, endless presentations, deadlines and sheer exhaustion as an excuse not to have sex. 

Well, not really an excuse, they were both really tired all of the time, and the magic had gone.

But with Joe, they’d always had such great chemistry … it was epic, and she wondered if that was the only reason they kept spiralling around each other. 

Oh God, he was everywhere. 

His scent filled her nostrils, his beard tickled her face as their tongues fought. One of his hands held hers down above her head, whereas the other pushed down on her hip forcing her onto him more. His body was pressed heavily over hers and her breasts were crushed against his chest. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, giving his cock full access to her wide-open pussy.

She found it, him, intoxicating.

Her hips rocked up to meet his every time he invaded her.

Everything he was doing stoked her fire and she had to touch him, to dig her nails into his flesh and hear him moan in desire for her. 

She growled in frustration as her position offered her one free hand limited opportunities. 

She scratched at his shoulder and back, but she was pinned too firmly to reach what she wanted, his balls.

She broke their kiss and bit into his neck and clawed at his lower back, getting increasingly violent as she was taken higher.

‘Ow!’ he cried and drew away from her teeth.

She yelled as he released her hip and smacked her firmly on the ass, ‘Play nice, kitty cat,’ he warned, but it only served to increase her fervor. 

She was momentarily distracted by his use of her childhood nickname, she was sure it was only coincidence as she'd never told him.

Then she was back with him, going up higher with every stroke.

She was surprised how quickly she’d got to her tipping point. 

‘Oh fuck … yes … fuck me … don’t stop … aaahhh, harder … please, Joe … aaahh … aaaaaiiiihh-ahh,’ she remembered that he'd taught her how to be vocal, to ask for what she wanted and now it was what she always did. He used to love it and it turned her on too.

He secured her free hand and increased his pace, striking into to her with more force.

Aaahhh … she was almost there 

… nearly

… ‘Ohh … fuck

… Joeeeee.’

She bucked against him violently and clamped her legs tighter as her internal muscles went into spasm around his dick, making him moan too. Her eyes fluttered and she groaned as she arched and shuddered against him. 

She was still in the afterglow, breathing heavily with eyes closed.

‘I love watching you come,’ he whispered, his voice just above her.

She looked at him through slitted eyes and gave him a breathy open-mouthed smile.

‘One to nothing,’ she said baiting him.

Joe laughed and pressed a small, tender kiss on her parted lips. 

She put her arms around him, hugging him to her, her fingers wandering over his strong back.

She was delighted as she felt him relax and he leaned down to claim her mouth in a long, delving kiss.

She found it so satisfying and so natural to be under his reassuring bulk. 

She felt rejuvenated and greedily wanted more.

His cock was still buried deep within her too, stretching her and rubbing high up against her internal walls, parts of her that she hadn’t felt sensations from in a long time. She moved her hips, revelling in the sweet sensations she felt inside.

Joe sighed and started moving again, he alternated between slowly circling his hips and a long deep probe. 

The new sensations mingled with her post-orgasmic state and served to keep her hovering just below her peak but didn’t over-stimulate her now sensitive clit.

Her hips followed his movements, and she simpered and groaned in turn. It was delicious and she was amazed as she felt her desire surge again so soon after coming.

She certainly was at a new level of arousal. Perhaps it was because she was in her early thirties, apparently, she was approaching her sexual peak.

But maybe it just was the lack of a satisfying sex life and now being with someone who she burned for. 

She was carnal by nature, they both were. 

Sex had always been her ‘go to’ to recharge. 

Electrifying sex, especially ... 

As the realisation hit her, it was no wonder she felt so uninspired back in her real life in Tokyo with … NO … don’t even think his name …

She tried to get Joe to speed up again up by grinding herself up into him, but he was too strong.

It was delicious torture, but he wouldn’t relent or speed up to give her the release she craved, so she could only cling to him, following his movements. 

Her mouth was filled with his tongue, and she could only manage inarticulate sounds to communicate her feelings.

She was lost, totally lost in lust.

He let her come up for air, and she let out a tirade or abuse, ‘Aaahhh, Joe, aaaaahh … fuck … you’re such an asshole … aaaahh.’

With amazing control, he slowly withdrew himself from her until only his tip rested at her entrance.

She screamed frustration, ‘Hhaa-ahhh - heyyy … no!’

He tenderly kissed her throat and she felt him smirk as she impatiently pushed against him trying to get him back inside.

‘Joe, please,’ she begged.

Pause. 

‘Tell me what you want, Cam.’ Ahh, Joe the player was back ...

She groaned as he teased her, and with infinite care, slowly eased a fraction of himself back into her and she writhed under him demanding more.

Such exquisite torture.

‘What do you want?’ he whispered, his face right above hers, looking at her intently, eyes glittering.

‘Oh, come on,’ part irritation, part lust, at the same time spreading her legs wider urging him back into her soft folds.

‘Nnaaahhhhh,’ frustrated.

Silence.

She knew what he wanted. It would mean he’d won ... this round.

‘You

… I want you

… I want you to make me come.’ she told him.

He smiled, sliding back into her, ‘OK.’ he said softly, as she melted again.

Asshole.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Flashback 2 - Cam's Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning - explicit sexual content

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 3

(Plane 2)

Breakfast was served, she knew she had to eat something. It was a long time until she’d get back and she hadn’t eaten much after they’d grabbed something before the party. She’d always been an erratic eater, she supposed that was the coder’s life.

It amused her that both Joe and Tom had tried, and failed, to get her to eat better, it was usually the woman who fussed.

She devoured the plump omelet and picked at the bread roll and the fruit serving. She skipped the coffee and asked for a beer, ignoring the looks from both sides of her. 

She’d get to sleep somehow.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Flashback 2)

Joe knelt and put her legs up over his broad shoulders and held them there while looking down at his cock going in and out of her.

She enjoyed the visual too, the open curtains meant the room was only lit by the flashing Strip and she got to see his toned body again.

He’d kept himself in good shape, she felt the same attraction to him now as she had in the bar all that time ago.

He leaned forward again to kiss her and forced her to bend in half. With one hand, he dragged her hips harder down onto his dick and she appreciated the deepness of the new angle. 

Besides, twisting her body to one side, she could finally reach his ball sack.

She closed a hand around it and lightly dug in her nails, and began to softly squeeze, she smiled as she heard a throaty gasp and was rewarded with harder thrusts.

He claimed her breasts with his long fingers, trapping both her nipples between them, and it was her turn to groan.

She really enjoyed nipple play and found they’d grown more sensitive over the years.

She ground herself onto him more as he simultaneous caressed and pinched them.

She met his upcoming thrust and felt a deeper pressure inside of her.

Her hand twitched reflexively, and he gasped out in pain, ‘Cam!’

‘Sorry,’ she murmured breathily, ‘that’s what you do to me.’

He moved himself away, freeing his balls and grabbed the offending hand and secured it in his up by her head.

Releasing her legs, he spread his, forcing her to do the same and started pressing himself over her again.

She knew she’d hurt him, but she hadn’t meant to. 

He narrowed his eyes and had a set to his jaw that he used when he was going to admonish her. She quickly reached down, just before he laid down and coated two fingers with her juices, pushing them into his mouth before he could say anything. 

She smirked at his groan of approval. 

Ha, two can play at that game, she thought.

Eyes closed, he licked and sucked at her fingers enthusiastically and then placed that hand under his on the other side of her head, effectively pinning her. 

She was at his mercy now, and she loved it. 

She pushed her hips up aggressively and rippled her internal muscles around him.

She felt the stirrings of another orgasm start to grow deep within her.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘How long’s your flight?’ he asked as they clung together in the afterglow of her more forceful second orgasm.

His question caught her off-guard, derailing her thoughts, ‘Umm … 12 hours plus … ‘

He smirked and said silkily into her ear, ‘Plenty of time to sleep then … I’m gonna make you come all night.’

‘Oh!’ the thought of it thrilled her. He'd never been as up front about his intentions before.

She loved new Joe.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Plane 3)

The plane bumped. The tinny voice of the captain came over the tannoy apologising for ‘the spot of turbulence’ and instructed everyone back into their seats until it passed.

She grimaced, she wanted oblivion, but first the bathroom to empty her full bladder. She bounced up and down like a 6-year old, which unfortunately only caused her swollen labia more sweet pain.

Fucking Joe, she fumed.

His gleaming eyes floated above her, and she touched her lips, liking the feeling of the dull ache still on them. 

He’d been very considerate and not marked her, not even once, while she had been merciless. 

She’d loved that he’d be reminded of her for days. 

Why did she want that? She didn’t understand herself. 

She was sure that her sore nipples and pussy would return to normal in a few days too, not that Tom would notice. 

He had a big presentation to occupy himself, as usual.

She wouldn’t even have to feign exhaustion through jet lag by the way she was going anyway. 

She did love Tom, and it wasn’t in her nature to be dishonest, but something wasn’t right in their relationship. If it had been, there’s no way she would have slept with someone else. The fact that it was Joe, her ex and not just some random guy, made it much worse.

She groaned inwardly at the deception and the lies she’d be forced to tell.

Fucking cheating asshole. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. Flashback 3 - Cam's Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning - explicit sexual content
> 
> Oct 6 2020 update - missing chapter - apologies, it seems I'd carved them up and forgotten this one - doh!

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 4

(Flashback 3)

Every time she opened her eyes, his were right there staring down at her, hypnotising her as he mercilessly pumped her, anchoring her to him. 

She was helplessly being swept along on another even bigger wave now.

She could see the concentration on his face in her more lucid moments. She knew he was holding himself back, ‘Harder, fuck me harder,’ and she went for his neck and shoulders with her teeth and scraped her nails down his back in encouragement. 

He let out a deep throaty groan and momentarily buried his head in the pillow, before seeking her mouth again. 

He wrapped his arms under her scapulas, hooking his hands over her shoulders to press her down onto him more. 

She felt the shift in gears as he did as he was told. 

Good boy.

He’d finally closed his eyes, surrendering himself to her. 

She knew he was going to come this time.

They were locked together now getting faster and louder in their spiralling need for release.

‘Ahh … aahhhh … I’m coming … I’m coming … yeeessssss … yes!’ she cried helplessly, as her third orgasm surged up from her core.

It felt like her whole body had been hit by a huge jolt of electricity. She couldn’t stop herself from rising up against his chest as her internal muscles contracted with such force as they twitched and pulsated deliciously. 

Her whole body quivered uncontrollably, causing the involuntary reflex making her drive her nails into the corded muscles of his back and even curling her toes as well. 

All she could do was cling onto him tightly and ride the huge waves as they broke over her.

She felt him tense up as her orgasm engulfed him and triggered his.

Joe came and thrust himself even harder into her, shuddering violently. They were both making animalistic grunts and he collapsed on to her, breathing hard.

She was still in the throes of hers and she shook under him, whimpering as her orgasm subsided and eventually stopped.

‘Oh my God, that was …’ she started breathily.

‘Amazing,’ he cut in, kissed her deeply and then said apologetically, ‘Sorry, Cam, bad timing but I’ve really gotta piss,’ and he abruptly got off her, ripping his dick out from where it was happily nestled.

‘Hey!’ she cried to his retreating back.

How romantic, she thought as she laid there enjoying the sudden coldness on her skin and the post-coital sensations coursing through her.

She was partially illuminated, as he found the bathroom light, her body was a sticky mess of wetness and sweat.

He didn’t bother closing the door, she seemed to remember he never use too before either. 

God, why the fuck did men do that? It was the same with Tom and the other guys she'll been with ... what so seeing a dick during sex, meant it was OK to see it during its other functions too?

It was some weird male conspiracy, she decided. Her brain was too addled to think of any better reason than they just loved showing off their pride and joy ... period.

At least she couldn’t see straight into it from the bed, as the bathroom door was on the other side of a large wardrobe.

Her body still hummed from the third orgasm, she rolled over and hugged herself, allowing the feelings to course through her.

Pleasantly numb, she fought the overwhelming urge to close her eyes.

She’d been tired before she'd arrived yesterday, she’d had a busy week anyway. Then flying over to promote the game, she had no idea how many fans she’d spoken to, but as far as Atari was concerned, it would never be enough.

She listened for sounds of him peeing ... silence.

Come on, Joe ... how long did take to piss?

She sat up and turned to look out the window, looking out at the flashing lights of the Strip. It reminded her of the brightness of Tokyo.

Then she heard him start, followed by a deep sigh.

As he finished, she got up on wobbly legs, deciding that she needed to go too. 

She met him at the door, and he treated her to a deep kiss, ‘I’m really sorry ...’

‘Asshole.’

She broke away and shut the door pointedly. 

She sat on the toilet with relief.

Nothing.

Hmmm.

C’mon, go already ...

OK, maybe Joe'd had some post coital performance issue too ...

She was still swollen in arousal and she squeezed her muscles trying to get started. She was just a dizzy mix of nerve endings.

As she sat there, trying to relax, her thoughts went to Tom ... 

Reality came crashing in.

Oh God, what had she done? 

Her body was still in a post-lust state and she put her head in her hands.

Really not helping, Cam!

She forced herself to focus on peeing, angrily jabbing at her clitoris and squeezing down on her bladder to see if that would help.

It pushed Tom out of her mind at least.

It seemed that she was there for ages. 

She looked at the door, finding it strange that it was her ex and not her husband on the other side. 

No! She wouldn’t allow herself to think of Tom.

Fuck.

She burned for Joe and now she was going to burn in hell for him too.

Asshole! She wasn’t sure if she meant that for him or her.

Aaaahhhhh, finally, a stream of piss started, and she shivered in release.

Moments later, she rinsed her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror, what are you doing, Cam? she asked herself. 

But there was no answer.

She hesitated at the door, looking back at her reflection ... still nothing.

She turned the light out and returned to the bedroom. 

Joe’s form stretched out over the entire length of her bed in the semi darkness.

Was he a-fucking-sleep? 

Asshole.

But maybe it was better, she had an early flight after all. She cautiously lay down being careful not to touch him and exhaled in frustration.

Fuck, she couldn’t kick him out, that would mean waking him. She’d have to sleep next to him.

‘What time’s your flight?’ he asked as he rolled over, pulling her into his embrace.

Oh, or not sleep next to him.

He must have seen her ticket tucked into her passport on the bedside table, ‘I thought you were asleep,’ she said, avoiding the question.

No answer. 

He kissed the top of her head and caressed her cheek.

Fine.

‘10, but I should be at the airport to check-in probably for 8.’ 

‘OK, up for … 6? 6.30?' he considered.

Here he was organising her, how could he be so … rational right now? After what they’d just done?

‘Ah, yeah, I’ve booked a call from reception.’ she wanted to tell him wasn’t a child, but another thought leaped in, did he want her to go?

She was confused.

‘What time’s it now?’ she suddenly needed to know.

‘Just after one.’

‘Oh,’ it wasn’t as late as she’d thought, but she supposed it was still early when they’d left the party.

Before she could do or think anything else, he moved his hand down to her breast, ‘Joe …‘ and he kissed her tenderly, muffling her protests.

His hand delicately caressed down her stomach and then lower … he extended his index finger, which glided easily past her moist lips.

Achingly slowly, he ran it down the length of her clitoris. 

Oh God, it felt so good.

She shivered in pleasure, sighing into his mouth, and she spread her legs in surrender.

Oh yes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	5. Plane 4 - Rehashing The Past

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 5

(Plane 4)

The plane landed at SF, ironically taking her back to the place that she’d run away from, where Mutiny had died and where everyone still was, including Joe. 

There was only an hour stop over and thankfully passengers going on to Tokyo didn’t have to disembark. There were some new faces in first class, although the suit and the woman hadn’t moved. She was grateful that he’d put on an eye-mask and was sleeping.

She took him for a party guy and he’d probably been up all night.

[Like her]

And what a night it had been, she felt more alive than she had in a long time. 

Tired, but alive.

She knew that great sex could do that, and last night had been really great. 

Joe'd pulled out all the stops.

Now she had the added side helping of adultery.

You cheat.

She pushed the thought away.

She’d starting using Joe for sex when she was ‘stuck’, when she needed a brain break from coding while writing the BIOS for the Giant.

Had she used him again last night as she was stuck in life?

Great solution, dickhead, she berated herself.

Joe'd always been good in bed, but he’d really taken it to a whole new level now. He wasn’t kidding when he’d said he was ‘not unteachable,’ although he’d actually been talking about coding at the time. 

She idly wondered how much practice someone would have to put in.

Fucking sex master Joe.

At 22, she’d had her fair share of casual and even a couple of boyfriend-types before she met him. But at 35, he was her oldest and most experienced lay. 

Previously, she’d only been with guys a few of years older and the sex had always been a furtive and fumbled affair, certainly fun but nothing to write home about.

She felt cheated, not that she’d been expecting Mills & Boon or anything, but there had to be more to it, didn’t there?

They'd obviously got something out of it, but it mainly left her feeling frustrated.

Not that that stopped her from trying again and again ...

She shook her head at her promiscuous self, having left home at 17, she’d been pretty wild.

Although, her first time with Joe hadn’t been very satisfying either, but for a different reason.

She’d taken him to her regular hang out, a cool bar-cum-arcade, to talk more after his ‘presentation’ at her university. She knew he was hustling her, but she was curious as to why. 

He was laughably slick, all gelled-hair and honeyed bullshit, but she was happy to play along and get free drinks in the process. 

He’d stuck out like a sore thumb, he exuded money. He was handsome in an obvious kind of way, although totally not her type.

She knew they looked odd together, him encased in God knows how expensive a suit ... and her, in her thrift store best. 

She caught the glances of some other women in the bar looking at him with undisguised lust and then snidely at her. 

It made her bristle, and she felt a strange possessiveness over him.

Suck it up bitches, he's with me, she thought, look but don't touch. 

Later, she decided they were a huge part of her publicly kissing him, nothing to do with him or that she wanted to. 

She was sure he was aware of their eyes on him, but his eyes, his fucking intense eyes, never left hers and despite herself, she was flattered by the attention.

What did catch her completely off-guard was the overwhelming sexual arousal she felt. 

The bar was noisy and crowded and she was extremely aware of his body, feeling solid and toned pressed closely up against hers as he elaborated on his bullshit. He had to lean into her so she could hear him above the noise of her games. 

He smelled really good too, she didn’t know anything about aftershaves, but she bet it cost a bomb. 

He’d been buying beers followed by whiskey chasers, which turned into tequila shots. Was he trying to get her drunk to take advantage in some way? She knew she wasn’t his type, but was he trying to use her in some bullshit scheme?

She decided it was the mix of alcohol and his proximity, but she found herself imagining kissing his sensual mouth.

As she played Centipede and various other machines, he spoke non-stop directly into her ear, his voice was sultry and seemed to vibrate down deep into the pit of her stomach and lower.

It was all very distracting. 

As the afternoon wore on, their competitive debate had turned increasingly flirtatious, until she turned her head and purposefully pushed her tongue into his sexy mouth, partly to shut him up and partly to satisfy her increasingly drunken lust.

He’d responded with an intensity that was equally terrifying and electrifying to her. 

He hadn’t been subtle as he manoeuvred her out the back of the bar and then had violently driven her into a storage room. 

But oh God, it was so hot, he was so hot, and she'd been completely swept up in the moment.

He’d started fucking her from behind in the chaos of discarded arcade games. 

It’d felt so illicit and not giving a shit about him made it so much easier, better even.

She’d been enjoying it until he’d made a jerk comment about it not meaning she’d get the job.

What the fuck!

She made a snide remark back and left him hanging, literally, dick out, unsatisfied.

Serve him right, fucking asshole.

She was surprised later when she found blood in her panties, she hadn’t been a virgin, but she didn’t realise she could bleed again.

She’d been equally surprised when he turned up again just over a month later with an actual job offer.

He’d said ‘he’d regretted it happened’ right in front of Gordon, within 20 minutes of meeting him, which had really pissed her off. 

Conceited prick.

She dreamed of revenge and had been delighted when the opportunity presented itself. 

She hatched a plan to undermine his authority, make him beg for it and then fuck him over, literally. 

Well that was what she told herself anyway.

She convinced him that having sex helped her relax and help her get back on track when she was ‘stuck.’

Well that was actually true, and she’d worked better for it. 

Men were such suckers especially when their precious egos were involved, and he did have a mammoth one, ego too, she smirked to herself at her lame gag.

But it had all backfired the night she’d seen his scars.

She knew there were some inconsistencies in his story, but she was sure that his anger and passion were real. 

It was the first time she, and Gordon, had glimpsed the real Joe MacMillan.

Then they’d fallen into a routine of fucking and he began to allow her to crash at his, until she was practically living with him.

It’d kinda freaked her out, playing house with this suit-clad, Porsche-driving pretty rich ... guy. 

He was so not her type, but she supposed she could tolerate him … he was pretty hot ... as was the sex.

It was more surprising that he’d tolerated her, and the mess that always seemed to follow her around. 

His place was bare, monochrome and glass-filled. She’d never seen anything like it, he tried to tell her about minimalism and some Japanese designer called Shiro something. 

She’d known she was a huge pain in his ass, but surprisingly, she won the battle of wills and he gave up trying to organise her. He just passively aggressively tidied up after her, which she thought was hilarious.

Maybe he’d just indulged her to keep her focused on the work, she really didn’t know. 

It'd seemed out of character for someone who liked everything 'just so’ and pushed everyone at Cardiff, including the management, so hard to get his vision out.

God, 22 ... she’d been so young and brash, she thought.

The more they had sex, the better it got. 

Added to the stolen moments at work, were now longer sessions, like in his big king-sized bed, in the shower, on the kitchen counter, in his car ... wherever, basically.

He was pretty inventive, and he seemed to enjoy showing her new experiences, or rather as Cam thought, trying to see how far he could push her, to shock her. 

But she’d welcomed whatever he had to offer and she quickly started trying things out on him as her confidence grew. He was only too happy to indulge her sexual whims.

They were screwing whenever possible and she finally understood what everyone was going on about.

Not that she seriously considered him her boyfriend or anything, he was just fun. Really hot fun.

Well mostly, he was still a huge pain in her ass about work.

It wasn’t as though she actually cared about him.

Then after she’d met his father, and saw how he reacted, she realised that he wasn’t as two-dimensional as she’d thought, and she got curious. 

He was a puzzle box, and like Pandora, she couldn’t resist opening him up.

She didn’t get why he was so guarded and thought that he was just being a typical asshole guy. 

Hurricane Alicia changed all that.

It was the first time he’d let his mask slip, really opening up to her, and he was an actual living breathing disaster.

She’d been shocked to learn the truth about the scars and what his father had done to his mother … and to him.

She couldn’t understand how anyone could bear it. 

She grudgingly began to admire him, and even felt protective of him. 

Although, she had no problem calling him out when he started any of his bullshit.

They fell into step with each other, and although neither had said it, they were together now.

They didn’t need to hide it at Cardiff any more either, after Gordon’d spitefully told Lev to undermine her and then all the coders knew, so basically everyone did.

Joe’d started letting his guard down around her more and more.

He showed his softer side, showed his true self.

He'd showed it to her before, but he always seemed to be angry at himself for doing so. 

He’d taken it out on her and she’d never understood that he’d been fighting with himself, not wanting to feel anything for her or to feel vulnerable. 

Now he didn’t need to fight it.

She loved him and she was there for him, as he was for her.

After Hurricane Alicia, the next time she saw him unravel was the night he learned that, his ex, a designer called Simon was dying, and it was on a much grander scale. 

The memory of that night had seared itself into her brain forever. 

After they'd got back to his, he started knocking back his expensive whiskey, and then he just came apart in front of her. 

She’d held him as sobs wracked his body, until he had no more left. 

She’d never seen someone in so much pain and it’d scared her shitless. 

He was the strong one, and she didn’t know how to handle the role reversal.

It hadn’t just been about Simon, it was about his mother, his father, his completely fucked up childhood and God knew what else.

She thought her family was messed up, but his was on a whole other level.

She’d kissed away his tears and he was so submissive, very un-Joe-like. He just kept looking at her with huge hurt eyes while she carefully caressed and kissed him. 

He seemed so young, so alone and so … lost and sad. 

It’d made her heart ache for him. 

Earlier, she’d been the hurt one, watching from the taxi as Joe had taken Simon’s hand and led him away, but they were still in her eye line. Her heart was in her mouth as she saw Simon kiss him and they embraced.

She’d assumed they were getting back together, not knowing they were saying goodbye, forever.

When he’d got back in after chasing the taxi down, she’d asked him through her tears if he’d get bored with her, as Simon had implied he would.

But she learned that night that under all the brash arrogance and bullshit, he was still that sad, little boy who’d fallen off the roof. 

He used the arrogance as mask, but she knew him now and would always be able to break through it.

She’d told him she loved him then, and had marvelled at the effect of her words, more tears fell this time, mercilessly silently.

She’d held his face, he slowly returned her gentle kisses with such sweetness, she thought her heart would burst. 

She wanted to save him, to protect him, to love him.

For the first time their contact hadn’t led to sex, he seemed too exhausted by his emotions and he fell asleep in her arms, his arms wrapped around her holding her tightly to him. It seemed to comfort him.

It was the first time he started the snuggling, that had become part of sex whenever she slept over.

She knew that something had shifted in him.

Sex in the early hours the next morning was full of more kisses and tenderness, and that had felt like making love, classic Mills & Boon, the little she’d read, anyway.

She’d felt that they were there for each other, open to each other now, and their relationship had changed into something better, deeper and stronger.

She doubted many others, including Simon and his father, especially his father, had seen the real Joe MacMillan, her Joe.

She’d felt special, he’d opened up to her. 

He never had to Simon, she was going to ‘fix’ him. 

God, she’d been naïve.

But Simon had been right all along, there was no loving Joe. 

She’d come to really believe that over the years.

Just when she’d thought what they had was different, was safe, was love… Joe did what he always did … destroyed everything.

Joe MacMillan would only lead to heartache. 

Hers, specifically, he’d broken her heart once and she’d gone into angry self-protection mode. She’d done everything in her power to make sure he’d never get to her again. 

She felt the stab of guilt over what she’d said and done to him in the past. 

In the years that followed, she’d gone over what'd happened with him. She’d realised that it was her and not him who’d ended it. 

She’d destroyed it, not him. He’d repeatedly tried to get her back.

She’d come to believe that the havoc he’d wreaked, both at IBM and at Cardiff was reactionary, and not his innate nature.

He was just venting his anger, first at his father and then at the Giant not being all it could have. 

In a strange way, she’d felt that its burning had been some kind of message for her. 

She remembered the look of relish on his face when he’d told some story on the drive to COMDEX about Scottish Highlanders burning something to the ground. The point was so that something new could arise. 

Had he done it to wipe the slate clean between them? She’d just been too young understand.

He'd written to her afterwards, she figured he was trying to explain everything. 

She’d deliberated for a long time what to do with the letter. In the end, she decided to burn it without reading it. She didn’t want to know and she didn’t want to feel duped by him again.

She’d been too hurt, too angry and too young. 

She didn’t regret her choice, it was right at the time. But later, she’d wished she’d read it.

As she got older and more life happened, she got more philosophical. They were all on their own crazy roller-coaster, sometimes you were at a station or a flat bit and sometimes hanging upside down, barely holding on.

Those times changed you, he’d had a lot of those times. He hadn’t been able to get off until it crashed and burned against Ryan.

Hers had been her dad and Mutany, not as much as his, but everyone had different levels they could cope with. Like Ryan ...

Cam closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling and did some deep breathing - it helped.

Goddamn Joe, why did he always get her like this?

Her heart stubbornly refused to listen to what her head knew, they were both damaged beyond repair, and should stay away from each other. 

It’d just be another train wreck.

The plane had taken off again and more food was served, she picked at the main, but the dessert had been delicious, so she stole the suit’s too and downed another beer.

She looked at him, he’d slept throughout the transfer and take off, and had started to snore loudly.

Fucking asshole, she thought enviously.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. Flashback 4-5 - Cam's Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning - explicit sexual content

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 6

(Flashback 4)

Joe’d trailed his tongue languidly down over her body and headed lower, she tensed in anticipation. 

She felt one arm delve under her thigh and lie over the top of her hip with his hand settling on her pubis. His fingers reached down stretching her pussy lips wider, like how she’d touch herself. 

Joe continued to use his tongue to a thrilling effect all over her pussy, nothing was spared in his thorough administrations.

Oh God, yes, she simpered.

She’d never appreciated how into it he was until being with Tom, who unlike Joe, seemed think cunnilingus was just a precursor to the main event.

Just when she was working her way to coming, he’d switch, and she’d spiral back down. Her frustration canceling out any hope of achieving a release.

The guys she’d been with before Joe, had been the same though.

Whereas Joe would happily do it for hours, teasing her more and more, adding to a different kind of frustration that would definitely end in a climax. Sometimes, when he wanted to continue, she had to force him off her as afterwards her clit had gotten way too sensitive.

Instead they’d switch to fucking, and she’d have a vaginal orgasm … or she’d return the favour and go down on him … she’d reveled in the endless erotic possibilities Joe presented …

Was it any wonder, she kept coming back to him?

He seemed intent on keeping his word. 

She felt her desire grow again as she thought about being with him all night.

For one stolen night.

How could something this wrong feel so right? 

Geez … what a cliché. 

He took it up a notch by gently easing a finger inside her and using his thumb to move in small circles around her engorged bud. She murmured approvingly. 

She was stretched further as he slowly added two more fingers and pushed them into her, filling her completely. She shivered in delight as he lightly blew on her clitoris.

She then felt an intense pressure and realized that he had his whole mouth over her most sensitive area in an intimate kiss. 

She found it hard do anything but pant in pure ecstasy as he opened and closed his mouth contracting and spreading her deliciously.

She was taken to another level when he added his tongue, it flicked forward and back lightly with the motion of his mouth, sliding maddingly over her clit.

She had one hand on his head and the other pulling at her nipples in turn.

He kept his fingers embedded inside of her and she began to rock herself against him as her desire increased.

She clamped her legs behind his back, finding purchase in the gaps between his arms and shoulders, locking him in place and pushed his head down more forcing his face deeper into her pussy.

She needed more pressure.

She could feel an intermittent blast of cool air followed by a forceful exhale directly on her clitoris, which she guessed was him breathing. 

But she was too far gone now to think about his comfort, she only cared about getting off.

It was mind-blowing, she squeezed her internal muscles around his fingers, which only served to increase the feelings from her clit. She added to the mounting sensations by pinching her nipples harder. 

She was on fire and ground herself down on his face, increasing her speed and pressure as she got nearer. She was using and abusing him, focusing on the sensations to satisfy her own need. 

Oh God, yes, yes, nearly ...

She was barely holding on and crushed her nipple extra hard, which served as a trigger, causing her to arch up and shudder violently into him, all of her raw power ricocheting right into his face.

Wow.

Cam 4 – Joe 1

Wow.

Her whole body tensed and then relaxed, system overload.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Plane 5)

Cam woke up groggily feeling confused, her travelling companion gently shook her awake wanting to get passed, apologising profusely.

She groaned in frustration and then immediately regretted it. She knew that was rude to do so, but she’d been asleep … finally.

She moved and saw that there were a few people waiting for the bathroom and she’d have to wait forever for her companion to sit down again.

The stewardesses were still clearing the remainder of the meal away down in coach, so she knew she hadn’t been asleep for long.

She buried her head in her hands, she just wanted to sleep, was that too much to ask?

Fucking hell.

She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up, she frowned up at the suit.

‘Hey, err, I’m sorry … but I couldn’t help notice … you're struggling to sleep?’ he asked, ‘You wanna sleep, right?’

‘Huh? Yeah … ’ she replied, her voice dripping heavily in sarcasm.

Asshole.

‘Ok, well it’s your lucky day!’ he either didn’t realise or had ignored it.

She predicted a salesman, had to be, so thick skinned … 

Her scowl deepened.

‘I’m a salesman … ‘ 

Bingo.

Cardiff Joe flashed across her vision.

‘… and my company has got the rights for a new sleeping pill, Zolpidem, and we’ve submitted it to the FDA and it’s gonna be released in the States real soon. I mean it’s a process, right? There are some long-running trials, but we’re practically there. It’s already available in Europe, and it’s selling like hot cakes ... But the red tape is just, well, I mean, it’s crazy. Anyhow, it’s amazing, really, I’m using it myself, and none of that addictiveness of what’s on the market now. I took one right after breakfast, and you saw, out like a light. We’re so confident that it’ll get green-lit in the States, that we’re now eyeing up the Japanese market, and that’s why I’m heading there … ‘

He continued with his well-practised spiel, she caught words like ‘revolutionary’, ‘minimal side effects’ and pricked up at ‘free sample.’

‘Oh wow, that sounds great, thank you,’ and gave him her most dazzlingly smile.

‘Sure thing,’ he said, all smiles, getting up and opening the overhead storage compartment, ‘Hey, I meant no offense before, your husband sure is one lucky guy.’ 

Her smile stayed fixed in place as she died a little inside. 

Yeah, he’s real lucky, so’s my lover …

‘Ok, here they are,’ passing a trial-sized pack to her and sitting back down, ‘Now, you ladies only need to take half a pill, you pop it under your tongue and just let it dissolve, it takes about 5 minutes and you’ll probably be asleep in 20-30 and you’ll be good for about 4 hours. Now you might wake up with a bit of a headache, but just drink some water and you’ll be fine … ‘

Cam took one out and did as she was told.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained she thought.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Flashback 5)

She could feel his eyes on her as she came back down after her climax, he was licking her juices off of his fingers with relish. 

They locked eyes, and as always there was a frisson of electricity when they did.

‘That was fun. I thought you were going to suffocate me, it’d would been a helluva way to go …'

She smiled, part amusement, part satisfaction.

‘Hmm-mmm, you always tasted so good,’ 

She wanted to taste for herself.

‘Come up here and kiss me.’

He moved up alongside her on the bed, as he was leaning in, she put her hands on the side of his face, stopping him just in front of her, she used her tongue to probe inside his mouth, savouring her taste. Then she delicately lapped all around his smiling lips, and even delved into his surrounding facial hair and up to his nose.

He leaned back on the bed, pulling her on top.

She took control and pressed herself up against his growing erection, and he responded with a sexy rumble in his throat.

His hand cupped her buttock possessively pressing her onto himself more.

Mmm … aaahh,’ she sighed softly, ‘I’m not fond of the beard, too scratchy,’ she complained, stopping what she was doing and looking at him. 

Now she wanted to do pillow talk?

‘Oh, shame,’ he replied, ‘I rather like it.’ Rubbing it over her face, juices and all.

‘Eeouuh … hey!’ she said in mock outrage, and he chuckled. 

He broke first, ‘Cam …' looking at her intently.

Too serious.

‘Don’t,’ she cut him off and put a finger over his lips.

He kept looking at her, even in the low light, she could tell his mood had shifted. 

Awkward.

She decided on a diversion, ‘OK, it’s my turn. I’m going to give you head.’

His face was priceless, ‘Oh … OK …,’ then he put his head on one side and continued, ‘Just so you know, it takes me a bit longer to … get hard the second time around. It’s not you, it’s all me, an age thing … apparently ...’

She just smiled back at him indulgently, ‘Uh … OK … right. Good to know … So,.first a little flavour …’ she moved so she was straddling him, and she sat back trapping his semi-hardness against his belly.

She slid her pussy carefully along it, ensuring her clit got lots of attention. Her juices coated his dick.

She watched him close his eyes and swallow … gotcha MacMillan, she thought and smiled.

He put his hands lightly behind her thighs, supporting her.

She moved forward, pulling herself off him and positioned her face above his.

His eyes flicked open, ‘Tell me what you want, Joe.’ echoing his earlier challenge, but she was smiling, teasing him.

A smile twitched up from the corners of his mouth, 'To make you happy.’

She lent down and kissed him, ‘Good answer.’ she said smiling, and she ground her hips back onto his growing member.

He groaned into her mouth. 

Delicious.

Make her happy? Did he know she wasn’t? Could he see right through her?

She wasn’t sure what was going to happen when she returned to Tokyo, she knew that this would've never happened if she had been happy with her life there, with work and with Tom.

Something was going to have to change, but right now she wanted to forget about it and lose herself in all the heady ‘happiness’ he had to offer.

She got off and knelt beside him, she tenderly kissed his throat, which was a soft spot for him. 

Then she trailed her lips down his body. 'OK.’ she agreed to herself softy to his chest, moving across his heart to close her mouth over his left nipple. Her hands were busy reacquainting themselves with his scars and his neglected other nipple.

He groaned appreciatively.

It was good to take some time with him.

Cam inched lower, tracing the almost matching pair of scars that were just under his pecs and then following the path of the larger, more gruesome one that lay on the right of his abdomen.

She herself moved down to kneel between his legs and he opened them enough to accommodate her.

But she pushed his thighs wide open with more force than was needed, fully exposing him to her and letting him know who was in charge.

She heard his gasp and flicked her eyes to his face, enjoying the look of desire she saw there and the sense of power over him. 

Between them, his cock jerked as more blood filled it, seemingly demanding her attention. 

Cam smiled slyly and raked his delicate skin softy with her nails. She continued back up from his inner thighs to around his most sensitive areas, carefully avoiding touching them but letting her breath fall on there, teasing him.

This was an old trick they both loved, taking each other to the brink, in excruciating anticipation. The calm before the storm.

She heard his breathing change and looked up again, he was watching her though half-lidded eyes, lips parted and belly rising rapidly. His lust plain to see.

His dick twitched again in excitement and she pulled her thumbnail down his thigh, digging the edge in. She loved the involuntary reactions she got, the slight widening of his eyes, the sharp intake of breath and the small jolt of his hips.

She stared directly at him, making sure he was still looking, she slowly extended her tongue and moved down to delicately start licking from his testicles to his tip.

When she was halfway up, he moved his hips forward, wanting more contact. 

He groaned impatiently.

She shot him a warning look and with an almost imperceptible shake of her head. 

He obediently stopped.

Good boy. 

She loved it when he let her dominate him. 

They’d fallen back into their old familiar ways so quickly; seven years vanishing in a few scant hours.

There was no way she would do this with Tom.

She and Joe had been very physical back in ’83 and had had a lot of sex. They’d done things that she’d never done with anyone else. He brought out another side to her.

He looked so fucking sexy lying there, completely at her mercy, biting his lip. 

She watched him swallow in frustration. 

The sight tapped into something deep inside of her. 

Her body just reacted to his, his was the same, and neither of them could resist it.

She’d never been into giving head before Joe had come along. 

She’d done it, but never really enjoyed it. Especially when the dicks tried to ram themselves as far down her throat as possible.

What'd started as a way to get leverage over him, turned into a fascinating game as she watched his reactions. 

Maybe it was the power, but she found it turned her on too.

When she reached his circumcised head, she took it gently into her mouth, he omitted a low moan and he closed his eyes.

Now who was the boss, huh Joe? 

God, who was she? 

He bought out her inner porn star … self-confident and wanton.

She didn’t know why couldn’t she be like it with Tom.

Their sex life, well maybe just her sex drive, had crashed and burned.

She couldn’t tell if Joe was a reboot or a virus.

She pushed Tom from her mind and focused on the now fully engorged member before her.

She’d started slowly, using her lips and her tongue, holding him firmly at his base.

His eyes opened and closed as he struggled to keep watching her, his hands bunching up the bedsheets.

It’d been a while since she’d done this, and she was pleased by his reaction. 

She hadn’t lost it.

Would she make him beg? As he'd made her ... she should, to even the score … but no, not yet.

She could still taste herself on him and bathed him with her tongue, both licking him clean and generously lubricating his shaft.

She moved lower to give some attention to his balls and gently sucked one of his testes into her mouth. She tried his trick of using her lips to exert pressure on him and delighted as she felt his muscles tense up underneath her. 

She loved being in control, it made her feel so sexy. 

She grasped him lightly and eased her hand up slowly, her thumb on top. She caressed his frenulum before heading back down again in a teasing rhythm.

Her other hand lazily caressing his side and heading down to the side of his buttock and across his thigh before heading off in another direction, this time raking him with her nails.

He moaned, pushing his hips forward more.

She smirked and stopped.

‘Tell me what you want, Joe,’ she looked at him, ensuring he could see her parted lips, and that her breath fell on his straining erection.

He grunted as pushed his hips further trying to manoeuvre himself back into her waiting mouth.

‘Uh-uh, you’ve gotta tell me.’ she said as she moved back out of reach, it was her turn to grin wickedly at him.

He half-grimaced, swallowed hard and said, ‘I want you to suck me, Cam. I want to feel your mouth on my cock.’ His voice was thick with desire.

She gloated in victory, ‘That wasn’t so hard was it? Unlike this …’ implying his cock as she went down on him.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	7. Flashback 6 - Cam's Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning - explicit sexual content

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 7

(Plane 6)

She was following Tom down a dark alleyway; he was moving quickly and shouting something over his shoulder to her …

She couldn’t hear him … he was getting further away, and she couldn’t keep up …

Then he was going up a dark stairway …

There was a light up high above and he was running toward it, she felt like she was chasing him in slow motion …

She tried calling his name, but he was too far ahead …

... Up

... up

... up

... they went

She could see him moving silhouetted against a small square of light, he called to her, but his voice was far off, echoing down to her.

She couldn’t understand what he was saying.

She shouted back at him, but nothing would come out … frustrated, angry, scared …

Tom … wait … don’t go ... I love you …

She felt something, no, someone behind holding her back with strong arms wrapped around her, she tried to pull away, but they were too strong … Joe? She couldn’t see a face.

Tom was heading to the light. 

NO … Tom …

She watched in slow motion as Tom jumped …

Tom … please … come back … NO

Suddenly, she was looking down at him … 

he was falling

falling

falling 

She screamed.

She was watching him from below now, still falling, arms flailing in shadow against a magical oversized moon …

He hit a white picket fence in slow motion …

She saw the tips of the fence embed themselves into his torso and poke up through his back …

His arms were still flailing, and his legs pumped as though he was running from her.

She went to him and turned his face to look at her ...

Joe stared up at her with his big hurt eyes …

In her drugged-induced sleep, Cam groaned and shifted in her seat.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Flashback 6)

Cam was intent on taking him all the way, she loved the way he writhed under her and listened to his ragged breathing. 

He was getting close; she was surprised that she still remembered his tells.

She maintained her pressure and allowed more saliva to coat him to reduce friction.

He was totally at her mercy; it was so Goddamn hot.

She reached up and pinched his nipple and heard him suck air in between his teeth … then, ‘No … no, Cam, stop … stop!’

She felt him rise up and he grasped one of her hands and delicately, but firmly extracted his cock from her mouth with the other.

‘Hey … no!’ she tried to push him away, but he was stronger than her.

‘Wait, wait,’ he pulled her up to lie next to him on the bed again and held his straining dick away from her. He was breathing hard.

She was pissed, ‘Hey … ,’ this wasn’t how it was supposed to end, he’d either have to beg or let her finished him off … he was breaking the unspoken rules of the game.

‘Cam, wait, listen,’ he spoke rapidly in between his breaths, to head off the tirade she was about to unleash, he interlaced his fingers with hers, she knew he was trying to placate her.

Fucking hell, Joe.

He exhaled forcefully and he spoke again, ‘Listen, Cam, I’m really not like how I was before, if I come again that’s it, game over.’ 

He stopped, searching her face, ‘I wanna make it last; I wanna please you.’ Pause for breath, ‘That … that was amazing, it … was … [sigh] … better than amazing.’ 

She knew he was a smooth talker, but she couldn’t help being enthralled by what he was saying.

He sounded earnest now, ‘And I totally love that you’re so into it, it’s always been such a turn on … it’s so … you’re so … hot, but I don’t need … to come to enjoy myself … really … I don’t … OK?’

He kissed her forcing her onto her back before she could reply, and he stroked her body with his free hand.

What? He didn’t need to come? Really? Wasn’t that the whole point?

She let him kiss her and tried to process it. 

She knew that guys took longer before they could have their next orgasm, but surely they just had a little rest and then it was ‘game on’ again? 

Joe was the only guy she’d had extended sessions with, so she didn’t really know what was normal. 

Once they'd started to fuck regularly, they got into rhythm with each other. She’d been amazed to discover about multiple orgasms and he'd taught far more about biology than she ever learned at school. 

The score keeping had started from her gloating about multiples and knowing his competitive nature, to push him to his hardest, pun intended, she thought. 

It was juvenile, but it had become part of the ‘game’ for her. While she’d usually ‘win’, she remembered he’d pretty easily achieve two and could be ready for a third soon after if she pushed him, and there was time.

So she didn’t really understand what he was saying. He was what 42? It wasn’t that old.

She remembered one particularly heated time where they both got their respective all-time high scores: 9-5 to her, but that was over one very long, wet weekend. 

It’d been a whole lot of fun, and she’d been looking forward to more like that with him. But it was a week or two before Bos asked her to hack the bank to keep Cardiff afloat, in around a month or so, they were over completely, definitively.

She’d had to adjust to Tom’s slower pace since they moved to Tokyo, and there was more pressure in his job. They’d started off pretty hot, but now it was usually a ‘one shot’ and many times even that felt like hard work. 

She was lucky if she came at all, even though he always asked, and she hated seeing the frustration on his face.

When she had tried to get him going again, or make some suggestions, she felt he was judging her or that she was some deranged nymphomaniac. 

Then there’d been the functional times trying to conceive, mucho fun … not. All around her cycle and ensuring he pumped his seed into her. Her pleasure hadn’t been of great concern.

She couldn’t understand how sex had become so complicated, and it’d become easier to avoid it completely.

So, she’d mainly given up and was reduced to stolen solo sessions to get herself off.

Marriage was such a fucking disappointment. 

She felt like she was back at the beginning again, back to the uninspiring sex she’d had before Joe. 

Fucking asshole.

He’d ruined her, how could anyone else hope to measure up after him?

His hand found her breast and was not so gently teasing her nipple back to hardness, his lips were pressing down hungrily on hers and she felt her desire rise. They were both breathing heavily. 

She saw that he kept his lower body angled away from her. She figured he was trying to calm down, while working on getting her all hot and bothered again.

OK then.

More points for player one.

He languidly began to move down her body, using his hands and his mouth to explore her. She allowed her eyes to close and gave herself over to what he was doing.

Their earlier urgency had gone, she thought that despite being tired, God what time was it now? Perhaps neither of them wanted it to end as it would mean a return to real life and its consequences.

She gasped as he stroked the tops of her thighs and gently parted them with the soft pressure of his thumbs, she could feel his breath on her pubic hair and shivered in anticipation.

But his touch never came, instead she felt his lips on the delicate skin of her inner thighs and move downward.

Intriguing, what was he doing?

She felt his hands follow as he licked and kissed her legs further down until he was actually off of the bed again and kneeling on the plush carpet.

She saw him outlined in the flashing lights from the Strip, bowed forward as in worship. 

He bent her knees drawing her feet together, which opened her thighs up wider. His mouth stayed busy as he kissed her feet, and it felt ... oddly amazing.

This was new.

She gasped involuntarily as his mouth closed around a big toe and he started sucking it.

Her toe … eeeuuhhh gross, she’d been on her feet all day … they must smell something awful … but it felt … incredible.

So … indescribable. 

She couldn’t believe the feelings that the warm wet sucking created. 

Wow … that was all he was doing!

She had no idea that there were so many nerves in her toe.

She wondered if this was how giving head felt, if it was, no wonder guys went crazy over it.

Waves of tiny electric sparks travelled back up her legs and multiplied under the feathery touch of his hands resting on her thighs, then poured into the very centre of her, taking her up impossibly high. 

She risked a glance and he was looking directly back at her with a wicked glint in his eyes, she suspected he relished being able to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Sometimes she forgot he swung both ways. 

No wonder he was so good at sex, he probably had double the practice, she thought.

She briefly imagined him giving head to some random guy … or Simon, long ago.

It was a side of him that she had asked him about, she’d been curious after Simon had blown into town and told him he was dying. 

The way Joe explained it, it was simply an attraction thing and like with everyone else, he didn’t get to choose. A person either had a certain something or they didn’t, only with him that spark could be in a man or a woman, he was simply wired differently. He’d assured her that he was very attracted to her and she needn’t worry.

She pushed her hips forward, exposing her very core to him more, enticing him back. 

She wanted him there.

His hands dutifully moved back up to her pussy. One spread open her labia and circled her clit, and the long fingers of his other hand buried themselves deliciously back into her hole.

Oh yes.

Now it was her turn to moan and grasp the sheets.

Oh fuck.

Fuck.

This was … she found it hard to breath … her body started to tingle all over, her head thrashed, ‘No … Joe … ‘

This was too much.

She was on the verge of an incendiary climax, but she needed to see his face, feel his weight on her, his cock in her ... 

‘N-no … aaahhh! … Joe, Joe … I want … need … you in me … inside me … pleeesee … nn-aaaahhh … NO!’ 

She was out of control, her legs jerked wildly, and her toe got yanked out of his mouth. She had no idea what was happening, did she just kick him?

She whimpered; the feelings were way too intense.

He removed both of his hands from her and secured her legs around his waist as he came back up on the bed.

He kneeled between her open legs looking down at her, she was completely open to him, but she felt no shame as his eyes explored her body.

She was breathing heavily, and he seemed to know that she needed a moment to come back from the precipice she’d been on.

He slowly leaned forward and tenderly kissed her breasts and nibbled on her nipples, then he kissed his way back up, tracing a line from her heaving chest, past her throat and ending on her soft lips.

‘Hi,’ said Joe, a smile ghosting his lips, ‘OK?’ 

She exhaled, ‘Yes, OK.’

He just looked at her, and she ground her hips under him in eagerness.

‘Ready?’

‘Oh yeah.’

Would she ever tire of the feeling of him entering her? Or looking into his handsome face? 

All thoughts were banished, no Tom, no Tokyo, no Atari, no Donna, … there was just this, just Joe, and she happily lost herself in him.

He held himself in her, his face inches above hers, watching her. 

She looked up into those captivating eyes, expecting his desire to match hers ... wait, was he … sad?

Lust and desire were fine, but she didn’t know how to deal with his real feelings.

‘Joe … no …’ she started.

‘I know,’ he said softly, blinking rapidly, resigned, pause, ‘I just miss it … this … you … you know?’

Fuck.

Me too.

But she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t, there was a lump in her throat.

She watched as his eyes began to glisten and he buried his face in her neck, breathing softly.

Fuck, Joe.

God, why was their timing always off? In business and in love?

She lay there, part not wanting to disturb him and part feeling that she was on the verge of tears too.

Talk about a passion killer, and she silently clenched her jaw as she felt her desire evaporate.

Fuck, Joe.

After what felt like an age, he kissed her neck, then her cheek and found her mouth again.

He had his eyes closed.

She realised that he’d put his mask on.

He started moving and he began to fuck her.

It felt wrong, it felt mechanical.

She didn’t want it like this. 

She didn’t want him like this.

She could be anyone beneath him. 

She needed him to look at her. 

To be with her.

Come back.

I love you.

But she wouldn’t say it, she couldn’t be that cruel.

She pulled herself up into his chest by digging her nails into his broad shoulders, crushing her breasts against him. 

She started kissing him urgently, groaning into his mouth with more passion than she was feeling.

She wrapped her legs around him and used her feet to push down on his butt, forcing him deeper into her with every thrust. She squeezed her internal muscles and clamped around his dick possessively every time he entered her.

‘Ahhh, yes, Joe, that’s it. 

Fuck me. 

I love … it.

I want you.’ 

She moaned sensually in his ear again for good measure.

He groaned loudly and his eyes opened, finding hers, she could see his desire burning there. ‘Ahhh, fuck, Cam ... ’

She knew he was back with her now and he began to thrust with a renewed vigour, forcing her back down on the bed, panting with effort.

Yes, that’s right.

‘Fuck me harder, Joe!’

He buried his face in her pillow, next to hers. She felt his teeth start to bite at the base of her neck, but he quickly checked himself, when she let out a guttural sigh.

Crazily, she’d wanted him it to do it, to mark her as his … but it was just the heat of the moment, it would cause her a whole world of problems.

He settled into a rhythm and she felt herself being taken closer to another orgasm with every stroke.

'Joe, Joe ... aaahhh ... ‘

He was kissing her so passionately that she couldn’t help responding with ardent ones of her own.

Their kisses slowly turned into grunts and moans as they both spiralled upwards.

‘Cam, are you near? I can’t hold off much longer ... ’ his voice sounded strained.

‘Nearly, wait for me,' she breathed.

He groaned and she could tell he would reach his first.

'Put your fingers either side of my nipple, but don’t squeeze yet.’ she said quickly.

He did as she asked, covering her right breast, and she slipped her hand on top of his.

'OK, take us home,' she instructed, and he dutifully began driving into her.

She raised her hips to meet each thrust and moaned loudly when he was fully inside.

He started going faster, 'Cam ...?’ it seemed he was asking for permission.

'Aaahhh ... aaahhhh ... don’t stop!’

With a few more strokes, Joe pushed his hips violently into hers and started to shake against her.

As he began to come, she squeezed her hand firmly over his making him crush her nipple between his fingers. Instantly, her whole core contracted, and she was forced up against him, the convulsion rippled down lower straight into her vagina, meeting his, causing her to come too.

She clenched her teeth as her orgasm tore over her and they bucked against each other, extending and intensifying their climaxes.

God, it was amazing, she didn’t know where she ended and he began.

He collapsed onto to her and they lay entwined basking in the afterglow, panting heavily.

She came round feeling his tender kiss on her cheek and then her lips and he pushed himself up onto his elbows, to look at her. 

Both their hands were still over her breast.

‘So, you can have nipple orgasms now?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

‘What?’

‘It’s when they’re stimulated, like this ...’ and he pinched her nipple with his fingers.

She immediately was forced up against him as her core tensed involuntarily, 'Aaahhh,' and she fell back into pillow with a ‘thud’.

‘And they cause, that,’ as he did it again.

‘Aaahhhh, hey!’

'Huh … interesting,' and he squeezed a third time and held on longer. 

'Aahhh, Joe!’ as she helplessly spasmed up against him until he released her nipple.

'Uhh...aahhh ... owww, my head!’ as she crashed back into the pillow again.

He pressed his other hand firmly on her sternum, just below her throat and leaned his weight on her, effectively pinning her down and pinched again. She contracted violently, shuddering again, eyes closed and whimpering, but her head stayed on the pillow this time.

In her delirium, she heard him groan to, as his slowly deflating cock was also squeezed by her powerful internal muscles.

‘Aaaahhhh, Joe!’ she practically screamed, and he released her. 

‘Enough … no more, please,’ she said panting heavily.

‘OK,’ and he leaned down to kiss her tortured bud, ‘I wished I’d known about that earlier.’ 

‘I don’t!’ and she saw him grin evilly as he came forward and claimed her mouth.

She rocked up against him as he squeezed her other nipple and screamed. So powerful were her contractions that she couldn’t do anything until he let her go. 

‘Aaahhhh … you … asshole!’ 

‘Sorry, sorry,’ he was laughing, ‘I just had to see if it was both.’

‘Yes, both, thank you,’ she said sarcastically, but a smile danced about her lips, ‘OK, get off me, you big oaf!’ flexing her legs and pushing on his arms, her hands going to her sore buds.

‘OK, OK,’ he said smiling and rolled onto his side pulling her with him, so they were looking at each other as they lay side by side. Her head lay in the crook of his arm, which was wrapped underneath her neck and his hand rested lightly on her shoulder, and his other went to hold one of hers, which were still held protectively in front of her dark red nipples.

She could see his expression more clearly now in the flashing lights as he faced the large window. The sky was still dark, so she’d be able to get some sleep at least.

She was too scared to ask the time again; it was better not to know.

He was back to looking at her, the smile that had been on his face had vanished and she could feel he wanted to talk.

She exhaled, dreading what was coming, but he went back to being silent Joe from the balcony.

What was there to say?

Tiredness overtook her and she couldn’t prevent her eyes starting to close, she felt exhaustion not just in her body from the fabulous sex, but mentally as well. It all felt so surreal, she’d only arrived in Las Vegas the afternoon before and was already getting ready to leave again.

It was like she had two lives, the one in Japan with Tom and one here with Joe.

It felt so normal, so right, to be with him.

‘Cam,’ he whispered urgently, ‘hey, Cameron, get in bed first.’ 

‘Hmmm … ?’ she shivered as he got up, leaving her naked on the bed. She vaguely felt him take the sheet out from under her, before he was back, pulling her to him, and she was enveloped in his warmth again, under the sheet this time. 

He always did run at a higher temperature than her, she never needed a hot water bottle when she slept with him. More often than not, she’d had to sleep without any sheets to avoid overheating.

Ahh, so nice …

Sleep was overtaking her, and she snuggled into him more, enjoying his scent and the way he possessively wrapped himself around her.

‘Cam, wake me before you leave, OK?’ he whispered, she barely heard him, ‘Hey … Cam, wake me up, OK?’ 

She felt him gently shake her, ‘Uh-huh …’

The last thing she felt was his lips gently touch her forehead and a small, almost inaudible, sad sigh.

Blissful oblivion.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	8. Plane 7 - Rehashing The Past And A Different Future?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 8

(Plane 7)

Cam came round somewhat groggily, Brad, the suit, was sleeping again and she wondered if it was natural or he’d taken another pill.

She felt ... strange, not refreshed and recharged like real sleep, but as though she’d been ... shut down and re-booted.

She got up and went in search of some water, she did have a bit of a headache as was predicted. It took a while for her ‘operating system' to kick in. 

She drank two plastic cupfuls of water and took her third with her to queue for the bathroom.

While there, she could see into the filled coach section. There were the overhanging screens showing the in-flight movie and looking back at the ones in first class, she could see a high-octane Japanese action movie with English subtitles. There had been a constant stream, alternating between Western and Japanese movies throughout the flight.

Tom had told her of a recent flight he took with Northwest Airlines, that had small LCD screens in the back of every seat and passengers could choose between 10 channels of movies and 20 channels of audio that played something different looped over and over.

She was sure all the major airlines would be fighting over more tech innovations to win customers, trying to get the edge over their competitors. 

The tech world was an exciting place to be right now, yes ruthless and cut-throat but there was so much potential.

She wondered what things would be normal, which companies would still be around in 10, 20 or even 30 years from now.

Would there be anything that she’d been involved in? She really hoped so.

Maybe what she and Donna had talked about would be ‘the thing that got them to the thing …’ to use Joe’s infamous line. 

God damn Joe.

He’d always said computers weren’t it, but the way to get them to the mysterious thing.

But what was that? There’d been so much already, but nothing felt like it.

Geez, did she really believe it too now?

It was a great line, and a way to keep surging forward, to some magical, improbable future. She wondered where he’d got it from.

It had become his mantra, what had kept him going and it seemed, to use another computing metaphor, 'hard wired' into him. He’d been so driven.

It was why everyone, including herself had been so quick to judge him as some two-dimensional money grabbing businessman, it was what he'd projected from day one. But that’s what also made it easy to dismiss him, it so was easy to only see that, especially after the success he’d had with MacMillan Utility.

He’d soared to the very top of the industry, stepping on Gordon to do it. Although, what she and everyone else hadn’t known at the time was that Joe had twice asked him to be his partner.

Ultimately, Joe had done the right thing, but she’d always wondered if he would’ve if she hadn’t have prompted him.

Although, there was also the whole scandal of charging for the anti-virus software, which he’d promised would be free for personal users. 

There were Ryan’s assertions that it was all the board and not Joe. That they’d made him the fall guy and ousted him. There were implications that Joe was some kind of hero, as Ryan wrote more and more in his defence. Then he released the open source code, but even that had been overshadowed by the manhunt and Ryan’s eventual suicide.

It had all been very messy and very public, at least for a while until some other big story had come along to feed the insatiable media machine.

Crazy times, no wonder he’d retreated and gone to a very dark place.

She’d meant what she’d told him at COMDEX, about how great, how important, really, his skill was in bringing people together, creating change and to fly in the face of mediocrity. 

He was a trailblazer. 

It took a certain kind of person and a hell of a lot of strength to be one. 

You sure as hell didn’t make many friends along the way.

None of them had understood that or valued what he brought to the table. They’d only ridiculed him for his lack of technical skill.

All they saw was that they, well she and Gordon, were the ones doing the actual work, and were made to dance to his crazy rhythm.

They resented his methods; they didn’t understand the long game he was playing.

Although, even way back at Cardiff, they knew that they needed his slick selling skills and ballsy arrogance to get the Giant out into the world at COMDEX when everything was all going to shit.

Ahh Joe ...

Could it work again?

Could they put everything from the past behind them and really make something special?

Now they were all older and wiser?

He’d said he could get back into it, for the right gig … was this the right gig?

She wondered what his life was like now, she knew very little about it, about him. 

The self-assured arrogance didn’t seem to be there now. It had been replaced by what … a sadness? A weariness?

Even he’d got tired of chasing the elusive thing, and success.

She didn’t know if there had been, or was, anyone special in his life, or if he even had friends. She hadn’t asked.

She didn’t think so, he was a loner. They had that in common.

He’d always been very self-contained and private, she’d had to push him to find out more.

He only had a few significant connections like Gordon and Ryan … and her? 

When the topic of Ryan had come up, he’d skirted around it, but she could tell his feelings - his guilt - ran deep.

She didn’t need to ask, she’d been there with him when everything happened with Simon, and he hadn’t even been involved with his death and he still somehow blamed himself.

She hoped what she’d said to him had given him some comfort, Ryan had made his decision, Joe hadn’t pushed him into it, it wasn’t his fault. 

Even if Ryan hadn’t been at Joe’s place, chances were he’d have found another way to have killed himself. 

Who knew what was in the young coder’s head so that was his only way out? 

It was all too … tragic.

It was about Joe that Gordon had last contacted her, what 2 years ago now? 

He was convinced he was going to do something stupid, something fatally stupid. 

She’d told him flippantly Joe was always doing something stupid, but not to worry, he’d bounce back.

Gordon had tried to tell her this was different, how much of a wreck he was even 2 years on after Ryan’s suicide.

Gordon was sure Joe would go the same way, and while she dismissed it, she had to admit if anyone was capable of it, was unpredictable enough, it was Joe. 

She hadn’t seen it coming with Ryan, no-one had, but all of Joe’s fails had been so … public, so well publicised, and yet he was still hanging on in there. 

Not that she’d understood what that cost him.

She and Gordon had fallen out of contact since Mutiny died and she left for Japan, he was still Donna’s husband then after all. 

It must have been bad for him to reach out to her, thinking that she would be the only person to get through to Joe. 

But she couldn’t get involved, not because of Tom, and not because of the Sonaris virus either. 

Surprising, he really had forgiven her. 

She had a problem forgiving herself.

What she’d done to Westgroup was in retaliation for them taking over Mutiny with WestNet, she'd believed Joe had been a part of it initially, but she’d used him to get to them anyway. 

It’d wrecked his life, lost him his job and future prospects, broken up his marriage. It was pure evil, she hadn’t thought so at the time, but with hindsight and a thorough sounding out from Gordon, she understood the full extent of what they'd done. 

Contacting Joe would mean facing that again. A major part of her turmoil had been because she’d betrayed herself. 

The Cam who first met him would have been appalled by her actions, not even because he hadn’t done anything wrong, in fact, he’d actually been trying to help her and Mutiny at the time and was trying to get out of her way. 

She had no integrity. She wasn’t coming from a place of authenticity.

She’d simply been pissed at him, for so many reasons; for siding with Gordon over the Giant’s OS system, for not fighting for her, or for them, for moving on and finding someone else. Then for being back in her life, for him being anywhere near Mutiny, and for upsetting everything again. She hated feeling like she was dancing to his rhythm all over again, just a puppet on his goddamn string …

Then she was pissed that Mutiny wasn’t going to plan, the coders were forcing the issue about the sale, and having to rely on big juggernauts like Westgroup, and above all for failing to get her vision out … it was so hard.

So, she did what she’d always done, lashed out, Joe was such an easy target and had taken the full force of her rage.

Only Gordon had been outraged, calling them all, her, out. He stuck to his principles and was the only one who did the right thing and actually helped Joe afterwards.

She’d been glad that she’d ruined his life and broken up his marriage. She’d been such a bitch.

Later, she was ashamed of it, not about taking out WestNet, but the way she’d done it. Mutiny could have sued Westgroup and ridden the wave of positive publicity that would have come out after what Joe’d said at the shareholder meeting. 

But that’d had all been overshadowed by what had happened to Westgroup’s mainframe. That was the story, and not how innovative and brilliant she or Mutiny was.

Plus she hadn’t known he was going to say any of that.

She didn’t know he was pissed at Joseph Wheeler, his father-in-law, and the dishonest way he felt the company was dealing with Mutiny. 

That he really was on her side.

She’d wanted to hate him, to believe what others said about him. It was just too damn easy to make him the bad guy.

Fucking Joe.

So, she’d risked her company, and risked jail, for what? To spite an old flame? Someone who actually was removing himself and had been honest with her, only she hadn’t believed him. 

Her anger had got in the way.

And what had really got to her, was that he’d taken the blame and shielded her. 

She didn’t find that out until way after the fact. On paper or as far as the media was concerned, it was all Wheeler, but people in the know all pointed at Joe as the source of the sabotage and not Mutiny. 

She hadn’t understood why he’d allowed them to do that until the launch of his company MacMillan Utility. He’d been able to turn it to his advantage, he’d outsmarted her again.

That was what messed her up about him, just when she thought she had him pegged, he’d do something so out of character, like help her. But then in the next moment be a selfish son of a bitch again and screw someone over, like Gordon. 

It was always 1 step forward and then 2 steps back and she couldn’t keep up with which Joe he was this time. For her sanity, it was simply better not to be around him, she reasoned.

But his wife had left him as a result of her actions, business was one thing, but messing with someone’s love life was another.

Even he’d never stooped that low. He’d told her how special it was to have someone to be yourself with, that it’d been her and then it was Sara. 

She’d been jealous that he’d found love, real love again. Why did he deserve it, and she didn’t? Tom was sweet, but she didn’t feel about him the same way as she had about Joe, even Tom must've sensed that.

Cam stopped and gasped, suddenly thinking about how she’d kissed him before giving over the disk, she’d tried to seduce him, make him break his wedding vows and he’d stopped her.

And last night, he hadn’t made a move on her, he hadn’t forced her into adultery, she’d done to herself.

She didn’t understand how he kept coming out on top. She was the good one, wasn’t she?

Fucking Joe.

She didn’t believe him all that time ago when he’d told her he was glad she’d done it, that she’d burned it all to the ground.

She initially thought it was just another scam, and she wouldn’t fall for it or him again, but surprisingly he had let it go, proving to be the bigger person.

Although, having a multimillion-dollar company arise out of the ashes would give anyone a better perspective, she thought ruefully.

So, it was out of sheer self-protection and fear that she wouldn’t contact him. 

She knew just how much Ryan’s death would have affected him, even without speaking to him. She was terrified that she’d get sucked down into the darkness with him.

Joe had done some out and out crazy things; the flooding of IBM, burning Giant’s first production run, he had some scary demons deep down inside of him.

And when she’d lost Mutiny, she’d felt real despair for the first time, it had nearly overwhelmed her. She didn’t want to go there ever again. 

This situation with Ryan reminded her of Simon, but it was way worse, and who knew what Joe would do. 

Joe'd come to her for help in finding Ryan, but she didn’t know if he was really worried about Ryan, the man, or just the potential damage he could’ve caused to him and his business. She thought it was the former, but she really couldn’t say.

Much later, she found out through Gordon that her instincts were correct, which she was glad, at least he hadn’t been using him.

She had no idea how anyone would deal with having a friend jump from their apartment. She couldn’t have.

Fucking hell, Joe.

Maybe Gordon was right, but she told him in no uncertain terms she wouldn’t get involved. 

He wouldn’t listen when she’d tried to tell him that Joe was stronger than all of them.

He just said it was horseshit, she didn’t know how close he was to breaking. She hadn’t seen him. 

Gordon had been the angriest he’d ever been with her, he’d even said that if anything happened, she’d have Joe’s blood on her hands. 

She’d been a coward. 

She tracked him as best she could through the media and through mutual contacts in the tech world. She couldn’t stop her heart going into her mouth every time she saw his name in a newspaper or magazine after that, fearing the worst.

But he didn’t die, he just seemed to disappear, he was old news, and eventually, she moved on too.

She didn’t know that even Gordon had subsequently reduced contact too, finding it too difficult to be around Joe and deal with the break-up of his marriage to Donna.

She sat back down in her seat just as the meal was starting to be served, they had just over an hour until they landed.

The reality of being back in Tokyo, with Tom started to hit.

Oh God.

She wished she was somewhere else, anywhere else.

She had meetings with the development and marketing teams at Atari this week and she knew how they would go. Ultimately, they’d shrug their shoulders and she’d feel their disappointment that she refused to consider any kind of shoot 'em up.

She’d had to compromise her vision on so many of her games. She’d wanted to push the envelope with the Space Bike series but had repeatedly come up against resistance from R&D citing sales and global appeal. The versions that got released were 'safe' and she knew IV was the weakest one.

She was frustrated and ... bored.

She wondered if that’s what made Donna’s idea so appealing, or if she’d have been as interested if everything was going well for her. 

Or was it just interesting anyway? 

She was too tired to decide right now.

She had mixed feelings about slipping the note back under her hotel door, but she couldn’t go back in and risk seeing him again, he might be awake. 

This project would be perfect for Joe, but what would that actually mean?

Donna had sent the fax to him, so it was highly likely that he’d read it at some stage. 

She wanted to believe him when he said he hadn’t already. 

He would’ve told her about it, right?

Fuck, did she or didn’t she trust him? After everything?

Fucking Joe!

So why did she feel so strongly compelled to leave him the note?

Well, It was definitely better for him to be with them, than against them, she reasoned.

But she didn’t know if that was her only motivation for wanting him to be involved. 

She suspected that there was there another more personal one …

Asshole, she berated herself.

She didn’t even know if the three of them could be all in the same room together for 5 minutes, let alone actually work together. 

It wasn't as if Donna and Joe were bosom buddies.

She must be out of her fucking mind!

Working with Donna again after she’d got everyone to vote against her, betraying her and ousting her from Mutiny, and then Joe as well, after last night’s ... whatever that was.

Was it just to satisfy her curiosity?

To see what she’d been missing all these years, to see if there was still something there? 

Every time she’d seen him, or even thought of him, he unbalanced her.

It'd pissed her off so much and she fought hard against it, telling herself he was an asshole, he was bad ... demonising him.

Although, it wasn't as if it'd been hard to do, he didn't really go out of his way to be likeable, she mused.

She thought marriage would rid her of him and it had for a while.

But the first time she'd seen him again in like forever and what, she made him stay, forced the issue, jumped straight into bed with him?

She was a joke, so fucking weak-willed.

Fucking Joe messing with her head, as usual.

But she couldn’t blame him, it was all her. 

She closed her eyes and massaged her forehead; she knew her guilt was going to eat away at her.

She longed to stretch her legs and get off of this Goddamn plane.

She stretched up, rolled her shoulders and her ankles. 

Trying to focus on each movement.

It felt good.

She sighed deeply.

Then another thought came in, how was she going to explain working back with her ‘enemies’ to Tom?

Jesus!

Did she actually want her marriage to end? Was she trying to sabotage it?

Just stop it, she angrily told herself.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine a happier future, where there were none of these complications.

Skipping over everything, the last few days, this next project, whatever that would be, and being back in her real life in Tokyo with Tom.

What did she really want?

Whatever it was, she knew it wasn’t in Japan. 

It’d always felt like a stop-gap, an escape. 

She wanted to be back in the States, somewhere.

Where? Back in Dallas? No, it wasn't as if her mom was there, but she didn't think Tom'd want to go back there either. Probably California again.

She allowed her mind to wander, what kind of place would she get?

Not an apartment, she'd always preferred houses, and there should be a yard.

Maybe a place like her old family home, well kind of.

They’d only been a small yard, but there’d been a large park across the street. 

It’d been her go to place, to escape her mom, or just escape. 

She’d read a book or just sit on a bench on her own listening to the birds or watching the other kids playing.

In her mind’s eye, she saw a house surrounded by trees in a large green clearing.

Yes, that was it, that was home.

One day, she thought.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
